11 Marriage Lessons I’ve Learned After 11 Years of Marriage

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This past Saturday, my wife, Charity, and I celebrated 11 years of marriage. Praise God! I am so grateful for our decade plus one of wedded bliss.


Keep in mind I’m writing this as a man. As a result, these marriage observations are skewed from a man to a woman. By no means have we figured out marriage or anything like that. I have, however, learned a few things along the way.


  1. Your wife doesn’t always want you to fix the problem.


I’m still learning this because I like to fix broken things. Sometimes, wives just want their husbands to listen and not to try to make everything right.


  1. Nothing unites a couple more than praying together.


Nothing will make you more united spiritually, emotionally, or even sexually than if you pray together. There is something about prayer that draws a couple together that nothing else can do. I think it is because it puts Christ at the center of the marriage.


  1. When you have a disagreement, do whatever you can to watch what you say. You can never take words back once they leave.


Don’t “blow a gasket”or yell. Try to talk through things, and if that is becoming really hard, go put some gas in your car or something just to cool down. Don’t try to work through the problems immediately if you are both worked up.


  1. When you are above reproach, you get along better and have a healthier and happier marriage.


One major thing for which I am grateful is that neither Charity nor I have ever had even a glimpse of a fight pertaining to some other person because we’ve always been above reproach, especially relating to our technological devices.


  1. Porn ruins marriages worse than nearly anything.


By God’s grace, neither Charity nor I have ever had a problem in this area. We’ve seen so many couples struggle as a result of pornography. In our 11 years of marriage, we’ve seen many couples either fall apart or experience deep injury as a result of this temptation. Avoid it at all costs!


  1. Following the 3-D method of quality times is the secret sauce to my marriage.


Dialogue Daily—Date Weekly—Depart Quarterly.


  1. Being romantic is harder and harder the longer you’re married. Romance requires intentionality.


I wish I had been better in this area. Not that I’ve been awful, but there is definitely room for improvement.


  1. Staying out of debt has been a major key to our marital health.


We could drive nicer cars and have nicer clothes, but that doesn’t mean it’d be wise. The number one reason for divorce is financial distress. Thankfully, I can’t remember the last time we argued about money.


  1. One of the best things you can do for your marriage, if possible, is to live near your workplace.


Charity and I eat lunch together approximately four to five days per week. That’s more than I ever thought possible a few years ago. I’ve transitioned to meeting with church members and other people over coffee or just sitting in my office, if at all possible, instead of over a meal. It is healthier for my weight, wallet, and my marriage to do this.


  1. Focus more on experiences than things.


Charity and I have too much junk. The last thing we need to do is get more stuff. As we recently reflected on our marriage, something I noticed is that we talked way more about where we’ve visited and what we’ve done than what we’ve purchased.


  1. Love is more robust than one thinks when they first marry.


Here are a few details:


A. Love Expects Nothing in Return


It doesn’t need to be returned. You don’t just love your spouse because they do favors for you.


B. Love is Unconditional


It is forgiving and forgetting. There are no conditions.


C. Love is Vicarious


It carries the hurts of your spouse.


D. Love is Self-Giving and Sacrificial


You give and go without in order for your spouse to have what they need, and often what they want.


E. Love is Righteous


It demands trust and faith. This is the love of God.


I hope these 11 marriage lessons I’ve learned after 11 years have encouraged you. What are some marriage lessons you may have learned?

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